So Maybe That 'HD' Part Stands For 'Highly Doubtful'

The assignment was simple enough: watch and write a review of Dan Rather's debut in his new series "Dan Rather Reports" on HDNet, the by-subscription-only service launched by flamboyant billionaire Mark Cuban. But it quickly became impossible to accomplish for reasons that will soon become clear.

It started innocently enough with a phone call to the press contact at the network, who assured me that they just weren't going to have a rough cut done in time for review in advance. And I thought, well that's fine, sure, why would an obscure, fledgling service available to a mere smattering of digital cable homes feel the need to draw attention to itself? I mean, it's already so on the map.

But no matter. I soldiered on and just figured I'd watch the show and review it "off-air," as we say in the journalism racket. Turned out this was much easier said than done.

Here's my phone call to a Time Warner Cable rep on Tuesday evening:

Time Warner Phone Dude: "Time Warner Cable, may I help you?"

Me: "Yes, I'd like to subscribe to HDNet. I'm a digital cable sub already."

TWPD: "That's great sir. Yes, you can subscribe to our high definition package for $5 a month."

Me: "Well, I really only need it for one night, but I'll take the month."

TWPD: "Okay then...Oh, but I see here that you don't have the high-def box that's required."

Me: "Oh, I need a special box?"

TWPD: "Yes, unfortunately. What kind of HD TV do you have?"

Me: "Oh, um...I don't have a high def TV."

TWPD: "Oh. Well, then even if you had the HD box, you'd receive the audio feed but no picture."

Me: "Maybe the audio is all I need. I just want to hear Dan Rather's show tonight."

TWPD: "But even that could wind up distorted without the proper equipment, sir."

Me: "So let me see if I've got this straight: If I wanted to watch Dan Rather's show tonight on HDNet, I'd need your special HD box, go out and buy an expensive new HD television set, do a month's subscription to your high def package and then...pray you guys find me worthy?"

TWPD: (Laughing) "No sir, we would find you worthy. But you would also have to reconfigure your digital signal, and that could take several hours to become effective."

Me: "Wow. I never knew Dan Rather was so...exclusive. If CBS News had realized this, they might not have treated him like such crap, don't you think?"

TWPD: (Laughing) "I really wouldn't know, sir."

Me: "Trust me, it would never be nearly this difficult to tune in Katie Couric."

(Awkward Pause)

TWPD: "Well...Is there anything else I can get for you tonight sir?

Me: "You haven't gotten me anything yet."

TWPD: "Yes, I understand and I greatly apologize for that sir."

Me: "Have you ever considered joining the UN to work as a diplomat?"

TWPD: "No sir."

(2nd Awkward Pause)

TWPD: "Can I help you with anything else tonight sir?"

Me: "No, I don't think so. I appreciate your time. Tell Dan Rather I said, 'Next time, don't be such a stranger'."

TWPD: "Come again sir?"

Me: "Never mind."

TWPD: "Well thank you for calling Time Warner Cable, sir. You have a very nice night."

Perhaps this is why HDNet's slogan is, "Television like you've never seen before" -- because, in fact, you've never seen it. And maybe never will.

Comments

[OldOldLady Of The Hills]

This Time WArner Cable thing is outrageous and ridiculous....It used to be Adelphia, for me....(You, too, Ray?) And since the switchover...or Switheroo, depending on my mood....the service is lousy...loosing color, breaking up in pixels or just dropping out for a few seconds on almost every program I watch...AMD, adding insult to injury my bill went up, considerably!
This is not working, is it? And now to read what you said today...in order to "Get" HD....if I understood you correctly, I'll need to buy a new TV among other things....OY! Where is The Dish when you need it???
Any suggestions as to what we all can do to whip this company into shape?

[Todd Everett]

I've been getting momentary outages for a couple of weeks. The first time I emailed TW about the problem, they suggested that I check my connections.

The other day, I called, and got a customer service rep who understood what I was experiencing, and admitted that she'd been getting a lot of the same. When she asked how long I'd been having the trouble, I said (honestly, if imprecisely) a couple of weeks. Right there, she gave be two weeks' credit.

I asked if I should call back if the lousy signal continued; she said sure.

She also commiserated with my loss of (among others) Travel Channel, Animal Planet, and C-Span2, and even admitted that she'd handled several calls from people who would (imagine!) rather have TCM* back than the Golf Channel we're now getting in its place.

I think the thing to do is keep peppering them with complaints, and demanding refunds when appropriate.

* which TW owns, for Pete's sake!

[Mark Cuban]

I think you have it wrong Ray. What kind of publication, that supposedly covers media, does supposedly complete coverage of new media, writes about the hyper growth of HDTV sales and the impact of HDTV home theaters on the movie business, and for whom the movie and TV industry is their focus:
A - Isnt smart enough to check to see if the person they assign even owns an HDTV and subscribes to HD Programming
B - Has a columnist that is so out of touch neither he or his employer consider the $460 dollars it would take to get an HDTV set worth the money.

You missed a great show by Dan Rather. In fact, given you are watching every show in SD, you are missing a lot of great TV done better.

And just think, all the discussion going on now about Blu Ray vs HD DVD, PS3 vs XBox and how they impact the industry you write about. You have absolutely no earthly clue.

Im shocked.

[Mark Cuban]

Oh by the way. the "about ray" link above is broken

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