Griffin never revealed man behind the curtain

Merv Griffin was gay.

There. Is that plain enough for ya? No gossip, no scandal, no snickering behind the back. Just reality. Why should that be so uncomfortable to contemplate? Why is it so difficult to write? Why are we still so jittery even about raising the issue in purportedly liberal-minded Hollywood, in 2007? We can refer to it casually in conversation without a second thought, but the mainstream media still somehow remains trapped in the Dark Ages as relates to the gay label. Even in the capital of entertainment -- in a business where homosexuality isn't exactly a rare phenomenon -- it's still spoken of in hushed tones or, more often, not at all.

Maybe that helps explain why Griffin, who died Sunday at 82 from prostate cancer, stayed inside the closet throughout his life. Perhaps he figured it was preferable to remain the object of rumor and smug ridicule rather than live openly as "one of them." But how tremendously sad that a man of Merv's considerable gifts, of his gregarious nature and social dexterity, would feel compelled to endure such a stealthy double-life even as the gay community's clout, and its levels of acceptance and equality, rose steadily from the ashes of ignorance.

I'm not at all insinuating that Griffin had a responsibility to come out. That was up to him and him alone.

But what a powerful message Griffin might have sent had he squired his male companions around town rather than Eva Gabor, his longtime good friend and platonic public pal. Imagine the amount of good Merv could have done as a well-respected, hugely successful, beloved and uncloseted gay man in embodying a positive image.

As it was, I loved the guy, finding him charismatic and charming, as I pointed out repeatedly in posts here over the weekend. And also as mentioned, I had more than a passing acquaintance with Merv, having worked as a talent coordinator/segment producer on "The Merv Griffin Show" in 1985-86 as the talk show was winding down its lengthy run. Around the office, the boss's being gay was merely a fact of life, understood but rarely discussed (and certainly never with him). We knew nothing of his actual relationships because he guarded his privacy fiercely, and it didn't behoove us to pry.

I can't think that I'm "out"-ing Griffin here. His being gay was well known throughout the showbiz culture, if not necessarily the wider America. I also don't believe the revelation at all taints his legacy, unless we are to buy into the notion that there remains shame in homosexual behavior. That only applies to the homophobes among us. But Merv came out of a generation that overwhelmingly believed there was something very wrong with being gay, and thus he never felt free to rise above sneaking around like a common cheat. That was the only shame in this equation. In being gay, Merv was what he was, but was never permitted in his mind to freely express it.

It's an interesting question, but one on which I side with disclosure. Particularly after someone passes, should their "secret" die with them? To my mind, when the media is fearful of raising the gay issue for whatever reason, it serves to further fuel the shame concept, not puncture it (that is, if it's fact, as it is in this case, and not mere conjecture). One can also say this was nobody's business but Merv's, but that isn't actually true. Griffin was a public figure whose sex life -- which played a significant role in defining him, as it does most of us -- was swaddled in concealment. Like it or not, that is part of his story. I have to think even Merv himself would be OK with having such a burdensome deceit taken off his back at last.

Over the past 16 years -- in the wake of a pair of lawsuits filed against him in 1991, by "Dance Fever" host Denny Terrio alleging sexual harrassment and by assistant Brent Plott seeking $200 million in palimony -- Merv consistently deflected questions surrounding his sexuality with a quip. He certainly didn't owe us any explanation, but you might conclude he owed it to himself to remove the suffocating veil he'd long been forced to hide behind. Then again, Merv carved his niche in the entertainment world in an era when being gay wasn't OK, when confession was unthinkable and the allegation alone could deep-six one's career.

If you're Griffin, why would you think a judgmental culture would be any more tolerant as you grew into middle and old age? Too, Merv's twin brushes with tabloid scandal in 1991 no doubt only drove him further into the closet. And while it might seem everything has changed today, little actually has. You can count on the fingers of one hand, or at most two, the number of high-powered stars, executives and public figures who have come out. Those who don't can't really be faulted, either, as rarely do such honesty and vulnerability prove a boon to one's showbiz livelihood.

Nonetheless, the elephant that was his sexual orientation never stopped following Merv from room to room. He could duck it for a while, but it would always find him. And it's disheartening that he had to die to finally shake that unwieldy pachyderm for good.

Comments

[thomas tucker]

How do you "know" he was gay if, as you admit, you knew nothing about his personal relationships?

[Roz]

You're a jerk!
If he was gay, why should we believe it coming out of your scummy mouth?
You have absolutely no right to out him just because you weren't pleased with how he lived HIS life. It was his personal preference & if he didn't want to discuss it that was HIS choice not yours, you worthless excuse for a writer. Everyone should have the right to come out when they want to not when some idiot decides 'Oh, he's dead let's talk & say whatever we want now about him!!
JAGOFF!!! & if he wasn't gay you're going straight to hell!!

[Sarah]

It was only when "big" named people started coming out that we (gay people) started to see change in this country. And if a “big name talent” coming out can SAVE one teenage life, then it is worth coming out. I feel it’s a personal responsibility for every generation to making it better for the next.

[BayGrrl]

Sarah, YOU ROCK!!!

(and roz, fugoff!)

[David Ehrenstein]

Glad to see this is back up, and hope the "Hollywood Reporter" has finally seen common sense.

"Thomas Tucker" and his ilk never will. Thomas were there to be a legal proceding on this matter there are SCORES of men who had sex with Merv Griffin who could testify to that fact -- and scores more who knew perfectly well that he was gay.

There's nothing "scummy" about being gay.

There's plenty "scummy" about the closet.

[Chris Menn]

Holy crap, you people are out of control on this posting board. If you want to scream bloody murder like some sort of immature teenager, go troll the dark depths of MySpace and stop junking up legitimate writers' blogs. Get a grip. These are intelligent people (for the most part) reading here. Don't ruin it for the rest of us, "Roz." And what kind of a lady uses words like scummy and JAGOFF? A real class act, you are. Why don't you trailer trash it over to somebody else's blog? Like Perez Hilton or TMZ. No class required there.

Anyway I thought this was an interesting piece, and that it rather sensitively points out the irony of Mr. Griffin's life. Here you have such a gregarious, generous personality, who loved to share and enjoy his gifts and his wealth with others, but yet he didn't feel he could share that side of himself (at least not formally, but as the article said, did anybody ever really doubt that the man was gay?). But then Merv Griffin was a product of "old" Hollywood, where being openly gay just wasn't accepted, period. So even though times changed somewhat as he got older, that was his perspective. So perhaps that's why he chose to not make a big deal about formally revealing his sexual preference. Or maybe he was protecting his family. Who knows? But the man was a public figure, so I'm sure he wouldn't be surprised that people are analyzing and discussing this aspect of his private life, now that he's gone. And I'm sure he would have been man enough to take it. Why can't you be man enough, Roz? Thanks for the insight, Mr. Richmond. Very interesting.

[Simone]

Thank you for this thoughtful, fair column. You made some important statements--the reaction to them shows how important they are--and demonstrated with this and your other posts clear appreciation of and affection for Merv Griffin.

To all those screaming about how this is wrong, disrespectful, 'unsubstantiated', hateful, etc. I say only

1. There is nothing wrong with being gay and
2. 'You can't take it with you' includes secrets.
The truth will come 'out.'

PS--first version of the column was ok too!

[Kirk]

You deserve a raise! This has been the #1 rated story on Hollywood Reporter all afternoon (the ranking is listed at the bottom of the home page). The fact that some closeted big whigs in Hollywood tried to squelch the simple truth about Merv being gay has only succeeded in propelling the story all over the universe. Ray Richmond better get a promotion for this (that is if Hollywood Reporter considers itself a business for profit).

[Lisa]

"if he wasn't gay you're going straight to hell!!"

This type of psychotic and homophobic statement says it all. So I guess all the people like you that have assumed many people to be straight when in fact they are gay are also going to Hell?

[Lorie]

Don't assume that everyone knew Merv Griffin was gay. The man guarded his privacy while he was alive and you had no right to "out" him after his death. This article was a cheap shot, at best! What do you or anyone else gain by writing private details about a man's life after he is gone and can't defend himself. Hope you get your 2 seconds of fame from those who read your article. As for it helping other gays ??? I am personally tired of gay celebraties "announcing" to the tabloids that they are gay. WHO CARES!! Either they have talent or they don't. I couldn't care less who or what they have sex with!

[thomas tucker]

Blah, blah, blah. Where's the proof? Oh, yes, people could tell stories. Well, can't they always? But stories are worth shit.

[JD]

There is something wrong with being gay and everyone knows this to some extent. That really is the elephant in the room.

[YeahYouHeardMe]

Lorie, well, maybe you'll care about this. I don't like to have sex with people who can't be bothered to learn how to spell (or type). For future reference, "celebraties" isn't a word. Oh, I'm sorry, was that a cheap shot? Ray, don't mind these yahoos. Your piece rocked, no matter what some too-clueless-to-know-that-Merv-was-gay morons happen to say about it. Love your columns and your blog. Keep 'em coming, my man.

[bejezeezus]

WTF? I read this earlier today, and someone was just telling me about all this how it was deleted and then it was put up, and then it was on the radio, and Ray was almost fired, and people are freaking out, etc. Man, a guy leaves his computer for a few hours and you can really stand to miss a lot of high drama. It all sounds crazy to me. I liked the piece, and I'm glad that if it was erased before that it was put back up. But isn't that censorship to take it down anyway? How did they think they could get away with that, esp after it was already out there? Smooth move by the top brass there. My guess is that this story is getting a lot more play simply because it was taken down in the first place. Jeezus. What's the big deal about calling a spade a spade. The man was gay. We all knew it. I'm sure he knew we knew it. One guy says it out loud and the whole world collapses in a pile of whiny tears. Which, by the way, if anyone is paying attention, was much the point of Ray's story to begin with. OH, SWEET IRONY!!! Hey, by the way, what happened to all the comments from before? When I read this story this morning, there were like 30 comments or something, and now they're gone? Is something still being censored? The drama continues.......

[Anna]

JD, tell me you did NOT just say that. Are you completely insane?

[sjackson]

I was moved by your piece. Thank you for writing it.

[LAguy]

It's interesting, gay people don't want to be judged by heterosexuals. It's homophobic and intolerant. Yet when one of their own decides he doesn't want to speak publicly about his orientation, that's exactly what those who disagree begin to do. If gays want to be accepted, they need to be accepting as well. Especially when no one is being harmed by someone in the closet.

Also, if Richmond believes that "Merv himself would be OK with having such a burdensome deceit taken off his back at last", then perhaps he should have had the balls to write this column when Merv was still alive. Cheap shot, indeed!

[Johnny]

What do you or anyone else gain by writing private details about a man's life after he is gone and can't defend himself."

Defend himself from what, being reported to have been gay? Being gay is only some huge shameful "crime" in your tiny homophobic mind.

Quoting Richmond from the article: "I also don't believe the revelation at all taints his legacy, unless we are to buy into the notion that there remains shame in homosexual behavior. That only applies to the homophobes among us."

Hi homophobes among us! Roz, Lorie, Thomas and JD.

What does anyone gain from Richmond's article? Well gee dear, he's examining the hypocrisy of Hollywood being a culture filled to the rafters with gay people, while the powers that be don't allow them to feel safe coming out. Hollywood exploits the talents of gays, and then turns their backs on their struggle against oppression and inequality. And while you might not have any problem with homosexuality being treated like a dirty little secret, a huge scary taboo, enlightened people would like to see an end to the demonization of gay people.

[Dumbo]

the only "something wrong" with being gay JD is that we have to co-exist with a JugheaD like you. peanut brain, anyone?

[JimJam]

Wow. Really, really great piece. I heard about it earlier but just had the chance to read it myself now. Thanks for being brave enough to put this out there. I'm sorry to hear it was almost permanently taken down. I loved Merv too, and you can't begrudge him his reasons for the choices he made, but one can't help but wonder how things might have been different had he been more open about things. I guess we'll never know.

[sean]

no one is being harmed by being in the closet? what you don't know could fill a bag of rainbow-colored Skittles. being in the closet implies you are hiding something and therefore ashamed and/or embarrassed by it. silence = death. when you are silent about an essential facet of who you are, you are complicit in the status quo's denial of and perpetuation in discrimination towards the gay community. whether you are the gay with fame and fortune or simply the gay common man, there is NO place for the closet. closet implies secrecy and lurking in the shadows and shame and darkness. who the hell would ever want to live there? living in the closet is the zenith of homophobia and if this is the schism that divides the gay community, then so be it. i will never embrace any of my gay brethren that are in the closet. if you're gonna lie about the one and only thing that makes you gay (i.e., who you are sexually attracted to), then you're gonna lie about a lot of other things. the closet is for cowards.

[Theodora]

I'm here to hose down the flames....

WHY?

Because Merv was my surrogate mentor.

I'd like for him to be remembered for his business sagacity

--not his personal proclivities.

His show was not only my source of entertainment --he was my gateway into this business.

I can remember --with huuuuuuuuuuuge fondness --when the Little Theatre off Times Square first cracked its doors open to the public.

I was a teenager, on the cusp of raging hormones --and Merv's show became my home away from home. It nurtured my showbiz aspirations; allowed me to meet some of the BEST of the entertainment world --and gave me a perspective about the Industry that I couldn't have gotten anywhere --at the age of 16.

While my BORING school chums were preparing to dry-hump each other at school dances on Friday nights --I was watching Merv's show tape; hung out in the lobby --and met his stellar guests coming and going --and got to watch a man deal with life on both sides of the footlights.

Yeah...

My little girlfriends and I knew he was gay. We knew --because some of the Pages ushering the audience in and out of the theatre were hand-selected for their male beauty --to keep the twinkle in his eye...

It meant nothing to us "back in the day." But we understood the joke between him and Shelly Winters sharing the same 'interests'.

Foremostly --it gave *me* an opportunity to learn first-hand about talent coordination --having been "the teenager" to let Tony Garofalo know which Brit-bands were gonna be the next hot thaing --which, in turn, launched a lot of careers *here*.

I'm grievously sad.

That I didn't get to thank Merv before he passed for all the great memories he gave me...

I'm grievously sad...

Because Tony's had to deal with his dad's closeted situation for 40 years --only to have to deal with *this* bullshit now. Tony was about six when his parents divorced --and was a sad little boy when I last saw him.

I moved on to talent management and film/TV production --but the little boy caught in his dad's secret world have to make the best of his situation.

I'm 'glad' he managed to resolve things enough to be part of his dad's business --and to be there for him at the end of his life.

Don't think for a minute that 'outing' is helping *anyone* Ray...

PRIVACY is a SACRED thing.

It whould be respected...

People in Hollywood tend to forget that there are HUMANS behind the PR legend/machine...

Tim Leary told me before he died, "You get the Tim you deserve..."

Translation: whatever you think that person is about is more a reflection of YOU...

The Merv I got was a MAN who respected talent; nurtured it --and launched a few thousand ships full of it...

As for what this is full of...

You get the Merv you deserve...

[thomas tucker]

that is a very nice post because it is real instead of being a slogan. Silence=death is fit for abumper sticker, not people's real lives. Silence= silence, and silence is uncomforable for a lot of people.
The only thing I wish we could get a handle on, theodora, is people saying that they "knew" Merv was gay because of all sorts of clues, assumptions, and, as you yourself pointed out, projections. But how do we really know?

[Chris]

Geez, Theodora. Thanks for the mini autobiography. Riveting. But for someone who says they cared about Merv so much -- for someone coming down on Ray for "outing" (?) Merv because "PRIVACY is a SACRED thing," that's a bit like the pot calling the kettle black. It would seem that with your self-indulgent rattling on, you just outed Merv MUCH more than Ray did. THESE are exactly the kind of personal details that are probably none of our business. So nice going.

[Daniel]

Why was the article re-rewritten before it's second release? Who demanded that it be considered defamatory just to acknowledge that someone is/was gay? Does Hollywood Reporter abide by California law requiring non-discrimination in employment? Something very suspicious seems to have happened.

[Megan]

Since when has sexual orientation been a secret issue in the first place? Would it cause a firestorm of fury if we were to acknowlege that Joe Lieberman is Jewish? OMG, did I really just say that?!

What about Chris Rock? Does anyone have the courage to divulge he's Black? It's such a private and intimate characteristiic, who dares speak of it and mention such a controversial lifestyle 'choice'? Get real people, sexual orientation has never been a secret issue except with regards to the ruthless homophobes who want to keep them marginalized.

[sean]

tanya tucker, i'm tired of arguments like your's where the only way YOU would know for sure as to whether or not Merv was gay was if he came up to you and offered to fellate you.

[thomas tucker]

megan- interesting analagy. Obviously, Chris Rock cannot hide the fact that he is black. But Lieberman could, if he wished to, hide the fact that he is Jewish. And if this were Germany in 1942, he would do well to do just that. My point is- there are some things that one can make a decision to hide or not to hide, and there may be many personal reasons for doing so. Don't judge someone so harshly for that if you haven't "walked a mile in their shoes."
theodora- what do you make of these stories about Merv ruthlessly firing openly gay staffers for that very reason? Any knowledge about that?

[Troy]

Sean: "Translation: whatever you think that person is about is more a reflection of YOU..."

Sean: "We knew --because some of the Pages ushering the audience in and out of the theatre were hand-selected for their male beauty --to keep the twinkle in his eye ... Because Tony's had to deal with his dad's closeted situation for 40 years ... was a sad little boy when I last saw him ... but the little boy caught in his dad's secret world have to make the best of his situation."

Wow, and you have the gall to say that Ray Richmond was dragging Merv's reputation into the gutter. Your memories of Merv pretty depraved.

[AnotherArtist]

It was a fair and well-written article, Ray. Insiders knew. And no one cared, except you and the older fans in the farmlands of Middle America, who grew up with Merv and enjoyed his entertainment over the years.

But GEEZUS, couldn't your editors at HR (syndicated by Reuters) have waited a day or two before unearthing his private life? His casket had not been carried into the church once your article hit the Reuters newswire! I watched his young grandchildren cry during the eulogy, when the tabloid-fodder commentary went worldwide. WTF?

The dead, regardless their personal and (most-likely) harmless, God-Fearing lives, deserve this time for respect...especially their families and children.

Ever been to a funeral, Ray? It ain't a "roast" or a "water-cooler" discussion.

I'm sure you will feel some heat on this one. I'll blame your editors...because I hope you really, deep down, did not want to be the first journalist to scoop People, US, and TMZ on this...for your own profitable gain.

[YeahYouHeardMe]

I can't believe all this yammering on about this thing still. Get a life, people. By the way, Thomas Tucker, maybe you should get together with poster Lorie. Looks like the two of you went to spelling school together. "Analagy?" Nice.

[Lance Mazmanian]

Merv's orientation was the worst-kept secret in Hollywood. It was, in fact, no secret at all. You'd have a very hard time finding someone in the Thirty Mile Zone who didn't know.

Merv's being gay was a secret only to himself. Now that he's passed, it seems a reasonable discussion. I loved the guy, respected him immensely. I also admired his choice to remain mostly private about his affairs (no pun intended).

No harm nor invasion can come now that he's gone, however, and being that gay men and women need all the inspiration they can get in this sadly bigoted world of ours, talking about Merv's homosexuality might actually help shake things a bit.

For the unwashed, it's got to be a shock that a man of Merv's stature, power, and obvious sophistication could actually be gay. I wonder what they'd think of Da Vinci?

L.

P.S. Here's some interesting reading, which you're unlikely to see on Rush Limbaugh anytime soon... http://www.gayheroes.com/main.htm

[thomas tucker]

Yeahyouheardme: odd, isn't it, that you're bothering to read the comments if you are so over it? That's a great addition to the comments- very thought provoking.
Lance- those of us outside Hollywood still have to wonder about these stories. In gay middle America, people are always playing the game of identifying the gay entertainers.

[Debra]

I'm shocked and disapppointed Ray. What on God's Green Earth would compel you to write such a thing? I have been thouroghly enjoying your blogging about Merv Griffin this past week. But then, this? I feel as if I've been hit by a truck reading this. Why all this? Why now? I don't understand why you feel you have the right or obligation to publicly out a man like Griffin who made a very clear choice until his dying day to keep his sex life and orientation ultra private. And yes that is what you are doing. If everybody already knew this, then why is it suddenlyl such a big deal for you to write about it in this way? And all just so you for the purposes of a tittillating website article can blow it all to heck? I'm sure this will get people talking. Maybe that's all ur doing. But that's sort of a cheap shot. Maybe he was gay. Maybe he wasn't. Maybe, who cares? Especially now? Esp. less than a week after he was lost to us? I'm just flabbergasted to see this and don't knwo what to think. And to find it here after all the previous kind words. What gives? What is your goal here? I can't be the only person to be wondering about this. I might not've been shocked as much to find this sort of self indulgent commentary elsewhre, but on your site it strikes me as unusual. My jaw is still on the ground. I'm am sorry for such a long comment but it's just very disappointing.

[joeyhawker]

Gawd, what a thumping newsflash. And an original story, by the way. Others have already gotten into this. I think even his obituary in the NYtimes addressed it days ago. And so what? Why are we harping on this. Merv obviously didn't feel it was anyone's right to know his biz while he was here, so why is it suddenly our right now that he's gone? Who cares anyway? Merv's biz, not ours. Some thanks he gets for all the pure joy he gave to us. I will personally always choose to remember him for all that he did generously share with us during his amazing and brilliant life. Not what - he didn't. The media exposing all of Anna Nicole's dirtly laundry - or what was left of it - after her death was tacky and disrepectful enough, but Merv? You can't be serious. He was a good and generous oneofakind spirit, the likes of which we'll never have the fortune of experiencing again. Leave him be, ya cowards. If you were so set on exposing his sex life, why wait until he's gone to do it? Now it's just crass. Not to mention pointless and dare I say meanspirited. I'm just glad he's not here to feel you people twisting the knife in his back, for what seems like no good reason. Rest in peace, Griff. We just bought your old DVDs and will look forward to basking in the memories you left for us this weekend.

[Anna]

Wow, and I thought this was rude -

http://gawker.com/news/and-now-he.s-dead/tmz-applauds-passing-of-merv-griffin-288680.php

you win. W-T-F??

[TELLYBABY]

All interesting thoughts. But Merv alwasys seemed the sort of guy who was way ahead of his time, and who lived life exactly as he wanted to. If he didn't parade his sexual orientation around, I have to imagine that was just his personal choice. It's not for us to decide or declare. But he surely didn't seem the type that would give a crap what anyone else might think. It's possible he didn't make this sort of thing public for the simple reason he was thinking of his family and didn't want to bring any possible shame(however undeserved) or public ridicule upon them. Who knows. But ultimately it's probably none of our business. There's so much more to Merv than was he or wasn't he?

[Anna]

I didn't know but I always wondered about Merv-I never bought him and the Eva Gabor thing. It always struck me as the "Elizabeth Taylor/Malcolm Forbes thing".
However, I still am not sure you did the right thing here Mr. Richmond. If Merv Griffin wanted people to know he was gay, he would have told us when he was alive. Perhaps it would have been better to let the wonderful man rest in peace. Just because you have a column to spread your knowledge, doesn't mean you have to use it. Use your power carefully, Mr. Richmond.

[Sean]

Thank you so much for speaking the simple truth about Merv. It is truly sad that people still consider being 'gay' some horrible stigma. In last night's "So You Think You Can Dance", the runner-up was openly gay Danny Tidwell. Danny has been in a long-term relationship with his partner David for years. They live together, publish a magazine together, and each have websites celebrating their relationship. Still if you were to mention this at the FOX show site (as I did) you would be screamed at and threatened: "How dare you spread such a malicious rumor about Danny". Just acknowledging the simple fact of someone's sexual orientation (which has never been a private characterisitc for heterosexuals) is enough to make people go ballistic with homophobic rage.

[Denise]

You know, Mr. Griffin must have had his reasons for not "coming out" so what gives you the right to speak out after his death? How can you possibly call yourself a journalist? What happened? Slow news day? Your article was irresponsible and was impossibly long and repititious. I would suggest applying your writing skills to a more suitable venue, i.e. the men's room wall.

[Jim]

I would like to commend you on your honest and accurate discussions of Merv Griffin. I wish that Mr. Griffin had able to fully express himself in life, ending some of the fear that he must have had about people finding out.

[Andy]

Thanks for telling the truth, Ray. It was indeed a shame that Merv could not affirm his gayness and a commentary on how far we have to go as a society and an industry. When we cannot treat information about the social lives of gay people the same as we treat those of straight people, we make gayness out to be something evil and shameful.
In her post, Debra asks the question, "Who cares?" If nobody cared about who was gay and who wasn't, kids wouldn't commit suicide over it, parents wouldn't throw their kids out because of it, and being gay would be no different from being left-handed. But just this week, a man in Texas was denied a funeral in a "Christian" church because he was gay. The rightwing in this country is OBSESSED with homosexuality. Karl Rove (who had a gay stepfather) lesbian-baited Ann Richards to win the Texas governor's race for a guy named George Bush. Who cares, indeed.

[Matt]

Many people feel that once a person has died that it is in bad taste to say anything bad about them. People, therefore, were nice about Jesse Helms' death, even though he was, IMHO, an awful man. I would say the same about Ronald Reagan, whose leadership was very detrimental to the gay cause.
Merv Griffin was a gay man ... just like me. He grew up in another time when being gay wasn't a good thing. So I can understand his Zsa Zsa beard. But David Geffen somehow found the courage to be an "out" man. And he's also a very successful Hollywood player.
I have to admit that I agree with what Ray has written. Although Merv Griffin brought me hours of happiness with the entertainment shows he produced and starred in ... I'm kind of angry with him. I'm sorry he died. And I'm sad for his family. But as a gay man, I'm angry that Merv is being honored with good words when he really did, IMHO, do some damage to other gays by remaining a "closet case".

[Mike]

I'm glad to see someone writing something about the man himself rather than the fawning thats been in the press for the past week or so.

What about Merv firing openly gay staffers for fear that it would raise questions about his own sexuality?

Apparently he wasn't always the congenial "straight" guy that he tried to pass himself off as.

Thank god he wasn't in a position in the Government.

[Tru]

'85-86 ? You must know Fred E. He was my bf at the time.
Maybe we met?
huh.

[Jimbo]

Yes Debra, how disappointing it must be when your complacent bubble is popped and you're forced to glimpse for a moment what happens when a culture that devalues people simply because of their sexuality then drives them to hide it and develop self-loathing to the extent that they give money to a political party which oppresses them and dismiss employees who refuse to remain in the closet. All of which Griffin was guilty of.

[John]

I have to agree with the previous comment. If it (obviously) was Mr. Griffin's choice to be closeted, how do you, a colleague and supposed friend, honor him by exposing that which he preferred concealed?

Methinks you protesteth too much, as if Merv owed it to you and the community to come out. Shame on you.

[Joe Bua]

Hey, lady, Merv wasn't "lost to you," you didn't know him. He was just a guy on TV to you.

Ray knew him. Ray liked him. A lot. Can't you tell that from reading this?

Merv did not keep his sexual orientation ultra-private, obviously, because most of the people who worked for and with him knew he was gay. People who watched on TV or bought his records in the 50s and 60s? Not so much.

The point here is that no one should have to be less than honest about who they are just because you, a person who was a "fan" (like you) might or might not approve of who he was other than an entertainer.

And trust me, living in the closet is destructive to all the people that are shoved in there. It's dark and lonely and sad.

Would like that for Merv's memory as well as the life he lead because that story would please you more?
Now who's evil?

[Red Seven]

Bravo, Ray. I'm not one that favors speaking ill of the dead -- but that's not what you did. You simply pointed out that Merv was gay; and unless you believe that gay people are necessarily inferior to straight people, there's no problem.
Unfortunately, Merv probably did believe exactly that. And how sad.

[ewe]

I understand and respect you for the goal of your writing being TRUTH. And the truth was that Merv Griffin was a gay man. He was a gay man who was in the closet and you, me and the rest of anybody reading and/or breathing have the right to say that his life was needlessly pained much longer than necessary because he was either incapable or unwilling to say "I am a gay man and i love myself." To the rest of you who think he deserves to be buried with his secret, i only say "kindly keep it to yourselves."

[LLR]

Good for you, Ray. I have to say that I am appalled at some of the comments that are being posted here and elsewhere about your words today. What has gotten into all you people? I suppose everyone is titled to an opinion, but all this attacking! This is nuts. Everyone calm down. Anyone who knows anything about Ray Richmond, and not only his history with Merv Griffin but his skill and reputation as a uniquely perceptive, creative and responsible journalist should not be surprised at anything he's written here today. Just because he's choosing to invite discussion about something that was "common knowledge" to most people (in AND out of the "industry"), that suddenly makes him a bad object? Give me a break. So it's a little unexpected and somewhat provocative on the surface that he's discussing this. At the end of the day, Ray quite clearly loved and respected Merv Griffin, and even if you only read Ray's blog this week you would know that. And I'm sure Merv always had respect for Ray's work, as well, and would likely feel no different after seeing this. As usual, Ray presents an original and insightful analysis of a situation that nobody else has chosen to pay any close attention to. Who cares what Nikki Finke and some of the others are saying. Jealousy is an ugly thing, people. Why don't you all get a life and worry about something that's really important, like, say, the very stigma about homosexuality that likely kept Merv in the closet in the first place?

I say BRAVO to you, Ray. You have one of the best columns, best blogs, and best creative minds in the business. Not only does it seem I see your byline on nearly every other piece in that magazine most of the time, but that combined with your stellar column and now what has become one of my favorite industry blogs, I have to say that you're one of the ONLY elements that brings any real energy and spice to the Hollywood Reporter (and frankly, the only reason that I'm still a loyal reader). They should count themselves lucky to have you, and in my opinion, they had better be figuring out how to keep you before Variety or EW or Esquire or someone else rightfully steals you away. Merv was a good man, and so far as I can tell, so are you. Keep up the great work. And we will keep reading...

[Greg]

What's the point of printing it if it's the worst kept secret?

What's your next exclusive? Liberace?

Why must some gay "leaders" out other (closeted) gays in the name of gay acceptance? If they really wanted gay acceptance, they would leave people like
Merv alone and respect their privacy.

Merv had class. Ray does not, and sadly neither does the Hollywood Reporter any more.

[GayLib]

Glad to see Ray was willing to talk about the truth. People who are in the public eye have a duty to come out and help the next generations of GLBT kids live freely.

Funny how the media will talk about what Paris did, and what Brittney did, and what Lindsay did - and even show pictures, but we CAN'T talk about who is Gay... It's just straight society protecting it's own...

Just pretend Gay people don't exist, and they don't...

Maybe if enough of the entertainers who we all KNOW are Gay or Lesbian would come out, the press would start to be honest, and not have a double standard.

Amazing how people think it's a "cheap shot" to talk about a person's true life - they're either bigots or closet cases. I hope if they're straight they take off their wedding rings, take down any pictures of their families in their offices or homes, and shut up about their lives, cuz we're sick of your heterosexual privilige.

[scriptreader]

Poignant article, Mr. Richmond, if not even a little gutsy, just to state the obvious that nobody else is. I remember growing up watching Merv, and it's sad to think that he's gone. But I've enjoyed very much reading all of your stories and insight about this amazing man. Thanks for sharing all of that. He will be missed.

[auntieem]

People are crazy. I love all of these people yelling as if this couldn't possibly have been true. Pa-leeeese. I thought it was an interesting piece. I see what some are saying about having it run in the paper the same day as his funeral, maybe not the best choice. But the story itself was quite compassionate in my opinion. Not only about Merv Griffin, but also toward the gay community in general.

You're a good man. And a brave writer!

[Jim]

Somebody told me this wasn't online anymore. Looks online to me. Provocative stuff. Not sure I agree with the choice you made to come out with this right after the guy died, but you do make some interesting points. Bottom line, Merv will be missed, irregardless of what was or wasn't true about his private life. RIP, old chap.

[TheBoz]

I'm sure Merv would love to know that he's still making news, haha !

"His casket had not been carried into the church once your article hit the Reuters newswire! I watched his young grandchildren cry during the eulogy, when the tabloid-fodder commentary went worldwide."

Hello? How do you know they weren't crying tears of joy upon learning that Merv had been chosen by God to live as a mega-successful homosexual? It cracks me up that all the people acting so concerned are actually communicating that they deeply despised the true Merv, the gay one.

[Dale]

LOL, the extreme right-wing site FreeRepublic just published a tribute to Merv saying they respected him "because he kept his private life private". Talk about damning with faint praise.

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1883302/posts

[Craig]

scriptreader: "I see what some are saying about having it run in the paper the same day as his funeral, maybe not the best choice."

Are you kidding? This should have been the subject of his eulogy. Do you really think Merv is going to stay closeted for eternity in the afterlife?

[Jack Jett]

Great fucking article and I admire your balls to put it out there.

Some people still can not accept that Rock Hudson was gay. Merv choose to live his life in the closet, that is fine.

You story is very mild compared to some that have been circulating in Hollywood for a long time.

I think Merv was "mervolous" as they use to say. I would say the best chat show host ever.

The closet case bit always bugged me and I think your article explains the reason why.

peace
jack jett
aging openly gay tv gasbag

[Mike]

C'mon guys. LOTS of people knew he was gay. For some reason the media maintained respect about this man's privacy, which can't be said of celebrities of today.

I for one wish there was a lot LESS that we know about our celebs today.

Merv was gay which doesn't matter, but he was a great guy and thanks Merv for all of your contributions to entertainment!

[Johnny]

When people complain about a celeb being outed they always seem to inevitably say "who cares" or "what does it matter." The truth is very often these people are vehemently homophobic and care very much whether someone is gay or not, and that's why they are such vociferous defenders of the closet. I'd like to quote John Aravosis, proprietor of the heavily trafficked AmericaBlog, on the subject of why it matters:

"Why does it matter that Merv Griffin was gay? Because it matters. Meaning, if Merv could marry, and if bashing Merv weren't one of the top planks of the platform of the Republican party, then Merv being gay would be as significant as his ethnicity - an interesting side note. But being gay isn't just a side note in America today. It's still a source of great prejudice, particularly political prejudice from Republicans (or at least the far-right extremists who currently run the Republican party). So until America treats gay men and lesbians with the same respect that it accords other Americans, Merv Griffin sexual orientation will remain relevant."

It'd be nice if straights would stop worrying so much about protecting our closets, and perhaps direct their energies towards helping to change the homophobic culture that drives gays into the closet in the first place.

[Sandy Weiss]

Merv Griffin was loved by all. His love, kindness for and towards people was sincere and genuine. He imbued passion and zest for life and everything he touched or put his mind to.

He is one of my great inspirations and role models. I simple loved the guy.

I am saddened a bit (to tears) and a bit "vacant" by the knowledge of his passing, but the richness of his memory and his enduring legacy fills up this emptiness.

Merv Griffin - as a kid I ran home to watch your talk show. You and Arthur Treacher. I laughed, I learned, I cryed. I was touched by the depth of your interviews (I remember the interview with Earthy Kit, she was in tears talking about her childhood rejection (both from Whites and Blacks because of her fair colored skin), your kindness and sensitivity to her was so profound it brought me to tears and I learned the depth of love you (Merv) had in your Soul.

If there is a Heaven I am certain you are now sitting on the Board of Directors with the Angels and Saints - figuring out how to make everyone up there feel all the more loved.

[Jay]

Thanks for the great article. The hysterical reactions of the homophobes and the "who cares" crowd show just why your article is significant. Griffin was apparently a complicated and perhaps deeply flawed individual--not because he was gay--but because he apparently preferred the privileges of heterosexuality while enjoying a homosexual sex life. I'd love to know what he and his dear friend Nancy Reagan discussed while her husband was doing absolutely nothing about AIDS for years and years (except telling tasteless jokes, as when he learned Rock Hudson had AIDS: "I didn't know he was Haitian"). It is sad that a man with his money and power did so little good with it.

[Lobee1]

Merv was straight, his warmth and inner being of care rest within my inner body for a life time. This character to print this article and sleep is complete starey to think about. But I know when his inner man was in me. His thought weren't on a idiot typing such things about him after he died. His character and comedy type manor was such a gift and pleasure for me to bestoy with ease. I care to say his man hood never failed him with my bodies warmth and love. He is a compelling love and dear man to remember over and over again in my heart and bed dreams. Care for all to say it your damn right I say it with love. Straight people have to stick together for those whom what the best to be their sex priority and not the truth. Merv was straight and a man whom loved to be a man. His admire of woman such as I was wide open, and very truthful. Viva la liquid love from him to me...

[Lobee 1]

Knowing the truth as that being Merv a straight man and a love of my sheet. I do care to state it and put a black sheet in the unstraight population. there is good and bad in all sex preferrence, but when a straight man is taken out of content to be exploited to his grave. His bed room love of me a beautiful woman was never ending and such a blast to be within him. His care of fate and care of means is deep in my body yet. Eat your heart out his manor of gest was ever so enlightening and unbevailed. He with pride warmed my heart with his liquid and heat... Caringly my womanly body eat every ounce of his love...

[Lobee1]

Merv was a warmth in my heart and hand. He touch was so heated with his full heart. He was straight and know how to express it to myself. He cared to be of value to those whom he loved. He so much beamed in the glamour of his wealth in my heart and hands. Look to reality and the facts, he was the most handsome man with the heart of golden heat that swelled in my body.. god bless...