You Can't Touch These Emmys With a 39-Foot Car

Man oh man, what I wouldn't give to have a nickel for every time this happened to me: You're being carted to the Primetime Emmy Awards and everything is just swell. Your limo driver pulls up to the Shrine Auditorium valet drop-off point, there's some nervous chatter between guys in red vests and then -- out of nowhere -- out races a panic-stricken dude in a suit carrying a Chinese gong-sized tape measure. He grabs one of his valets and together they measure your limo. Their faces turn ashen and they shake their heads in dismay while approaching your driver.

"I'm so very sorry," the man in the suit says quietly, "but your limousine is 38 feet, 3 1/4 inches. The longest limo we allow here is 38 feet exactly. You can't drop your passenger here. It's simply out of the question. You'll need to go there." He points over yonder, and off races your driver to the nearby Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum, which at one time housed professional football games in those ancient times when L.A. actually had a team. As you exit the limo for a required shuttle back to the Shrine, 4 men in identical gray suits and carrying walkie-talkies -- one hand touching their earpiece -- ask to search your limousine for anything "suspicious." You're detained for 10 minutes while the investigation turns up only the driver's replacement cap and a pair of red women's panties (crotchless) in the trunk.

Your glorious Emmy night is off to a flying start.

Like I said: a nickel for every time...

I bring this up now because I just eyed a copy of the "Arrival Guidelines" sheet for those attending Sunday's 59th Annual Primetime Emmy shindig. On the single page, there are two full paragraphs dedicated to warning everyone arriving by extra-large vehicle that, "Limos exceeding 38 (feet) in length will not be allowed to drop at the Shrine."

It continues, "Over the past few years the Los Angeles Police Department and the Department of Transportation have continually worked to improve the security procedures in order to ensure a safe and enjoyable experiernce at the Emmy Awards from arrival to departure. Anyone who does arrive in a vehicle exceeding 38 feet in length will be directed to the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum."

It's just so annoying when you have to leave the 39-footer in the driveway and make do with the 38er (as I call mine). Just a big fat hassle. What I wonder, of course, is what exactly is so much more security-compromising about a limo that stretches beyond 38 feet than one that doesn't, but I'm sure these guys have their reasons. And I guess the message is this: if you are going to arrive in a limo that potentially endangers the well-being of those positioned nearby along with the structural integrity of the facility itself, do so at the Coliseum, which is falling apart anyway and where few nominees will be hanging.

As an Emmy attendee in the press room this Sunday, it's a great comfort to see how the LAPD is all over the limousine safety issue, as we all understand it's impossible to use a 38-foot-or-below limo for any nefarious activity.

Comments

[OldOldLady Of The Hills]

I don't get it.
Why wouldn't the LIMO Company KNOW these absurd rules???
And further...Is 38 feet in length a Limo you actually need???
So...WHY is this TOUR problem, Ray, AND NOT THE LIMO COMPANY'S???

One more thing to turn you soooo off of the Emmys...LOL!

OY!

Happy New Year, Dear Ray.

[limo fan]

I recently heard about this guidelines from a friend who runs a limo company. He finds it annoying but they need to follow so that their customers that are going to the event will have a smooth and enjoyable night. There must be something the LAPD saw on the 39 ft limo that it might endanger the guests. Whatever that is like you said we follow.