Is this any way to run an awards show?

So I have to be honest with you. This whole Golden Globes thing is really just totally wacko. It isn't that they canceled the ceremony itself. That was probably a must, given the vote by the Screen Actors Guild to honor the Writers Guild picket line and keep the nominees and Hollywood stars parked in front of their TV set. But the Hollywood Foreign Press Assn. and NBC, in their infinite wisdom, couldn't just chalk this up as a strike casualty and leave well enough alone. No, they had to cobble together a "compromise" that they're calling a televised "press conference" -- an hour-long announcement of the winners, none of whom will be present.

Yeah, I know that when I watch an awards show, there's nothing I like better than a bare stage and the cold opening of an envelope accompanied by an absentee winner. It just doesn't get any more powerful than that. Good thing NBC News will be there to capture all of the raw, momentous detachment and gripping anticlimax of this joyless, celebration-free affair that subs out the red carpet for a black cloud.

The point of this? Apparently, it's that The TV Show Must Go On -- even if there is no actual show. What would have made the most sense, of course, is bagging the telecast and keeping the ceremony. But that would have required the acknowledgement that what matters is the awards themselves rather than the shameless hype of them. Good luck selling that one.

I'm still trying to figure out how this is all going to work on Sunday. Is somebody going to messenger the statuettes to the winners' homes? Might they receive them via drive-by catapult? Are they being shipped thru Fed-Ex, and if so is it for next-day delivery or two-day? Will an HFPA official be dispensed to the winner's home to make the announcement Publisher's Clearinghouse-style? And if that happens, will they hire Ed McMahon for the day? Will the winners (and losers) find out if they won or not by watching the live press conference on TV? Will they get a phone call in advance? Could they be forced to look it up on the Internet? Will they make their acceptance speech via video conference hook-up from their living room?

The possibilities send the imagination racing. Of course, maybe this is a bit closer to what the Golden Globes should be, anyway. It's less than a hundred journalist types voting for their film and TV favorites, not some gargantuan industry consensus. A little bit of downscaling makes sense. But this Sunday gambit moves a bit past downscaling and into gracelessness. This is closer to something we'd see on C-SPAN than an awards telecast, the first kudofest to honor victors sitting at home in their bathrobe.

The ratings should be thru the roof. Of course, in this case, the roof is only about a foot high.