Past Deadline

Stop the Presses! Stop the Presses! Brit and Kev Are No More

TMZ.com reporting exclusively at this moment that Britney Spears has filed for divorce from husband Kevin Federline, messing with everyone's sense of emotional/psychological balance. The site even has the legal papers right there as a link. The petition, filed in Los Angeles Superior Court, cites "irreconcilable differences" (which might in this case be translated as "spongus interruptus").

Let the war games begin.

Oh, and one more thing: Did you see Britney just kind of pop on and surprise David Letterman last night on his CBS "Late Show," looking svelte and fabulous? It was intriguing timing, to say the least, coming as it did on the day she officially separated from her significant other (without giving any clue).

Perhaps Spears was signaling her newfound availability to the male world. No sense wasting any time.

Could This Be Why We've Yet to See the TomKat Kidlet?

You may (or may not) recall that when Suri Cruise was born to parents Tom Cruise and "Kate" Holmes a couple of months ago, it was pointed out that their newborn daughter's first name in Hebrew actually means "get out of here" or "scram." And sure enough, there has been not a single sign of Suri since she entered the world. The kid has taken her first name's definition literally.

Is this a coincidence? An omen? A simple piece of irony? Or does this all just make you want me to stop using question marks already? Wish granted.

Feeling the Overwhelming Need to Ask a Suri Question

Staring at the People magazine cover of Angelina, Brad and baby Shiloh -- the one that set Time Warner Inc. back 4 million big ones -- I was inspired to ponder just what exactly happened to all of those pictures (you know, the ones that don't exist) of Tom Cruise's and Kate Holmes' female offspring Suri. She was born on April 17. For those of you keeping score, that was precisely 56 days and nights ago. I believe that's around 18,749 months in Scientology years. Translated, this kid ain't gettin' any younger -- and yet there is no visual public record of her existence.

This is not to infer that there is no Suri Cruise and that she was simply manufactured as a marketing tool to boost the promo for "Mission: Impossible III." But you know, hey, National Enquiring minds want to know: where is this kid? Trapped in some L. Ron Hubbard parallel universe? I think the Cruise-Holmes duo owe it to their fans to sell some cheesy shots of their infant to the highest bidder and then use the cash to help line the coffers of Tom's favorite church. Right?

Seriously, are we ever going to see this kid? Do Suri's parents really want Shiloh to be able to lord her lens time over their kid with mocking glee? It's like we got all of this buildup and zero photographic closure. Let's get our priorities in order here, people!