FCC Fines Establish the Value of Actors' Assets

By Barry Garron

Much has been written about the fine of $1.43 million levied by the FCC against ABC affiliates in the Central and Mountain Time zones for airing an episode of "N.Y.P.D. Blue" with nudity in 2003. But so far everyone has missed the point.

In the episode, a young boy opens the bathroom door to find Charlotte Ross disrobed and about to step into the shower. The shot, from the, ahem, rear, reveals Ross' buttocks and the side of her left breast. The FCC considers this to be indecent and assessed the maximum fine applicable at the time.

This has upset people who believe that nudity is not, per se, indecent. Others say the fine is ridiculous because "N.Y.P.D. Blue" carried a parental advisory and had, by that time, been on air for a decade. In other words, viewers should hardly have been surprised by content for mature audiences.

One thing is certain, though. Finally, a specific value has been placed on the anatomy of actresses. Thanks to the FCC, we now know that a peek at Janet Jackson's breast is worth $550,000, the amount CBS was fined following the 2004 Super Bowl. Furthermore, a glance at Ross' derriere and a side of her breast is worth nearly three times as much.

We've always known, for example, that Beyonce's thighs, Matthew McConaughey's abs and Mariah Carey's bosom were valuable assets but no one's ever been able to put an authoritative price to them. There was no way to properly appraise them for, say, insurance purposes or to settle bar bets.

It's a bit like being a stamp collectors without Scott's Catalogue or a baseball card owner without a Beckett guide.

And, yes, we still have a long way to go before we can assign a value to everyone's best feature, but now, thanks to the FCC, we at least have a process in place that makes it possible.

So take that all you people who thought the FCC fails to serve the public interest. For much of the public, this is a matter or enormous interest.