Past Deadline

Must Explode TV! The Reckoning

It all works out in the end. And really, for just the cost of getting an omelet of egg on their faces, and becoming the butt of any number of Lite-Brite jokes, it should work out that Boston will make money off of its recent screaming panic over the appearance of Mooninite figures around town that were actually meant to be an ad for Cartoon Network's "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" (at left, with said scary green character photoshopped in).

News sources are reporting that a settlement is going down over the incident; Turner Broadcasting (which owns Cartoon Network) and the marketing company that created the devices, Interference, Inc. are expected to pay out $2 million, half of which will go to the city agencies that were ordered by officials to treat the ads as if they were bombs, while the other half will go to homeland security and other related agencies.

Meanwhile, according to Boston Mayor Thomas Menino, the whole episode cost the city a mere $500,000.

So, a memo to city officials elsewhere: If you're fine with looking like Henny Penny, rather than carefully and quietly investigating homeland security related matters, you too can get corporations to cough up a bundle. It may cost you the mental security and well-being of your citizens, but eh. A few suggestions:

New York: Times Square advertising is overwhelming. Something must be suspicious. The Cup O'Noodles is smoking, for crying out loud!

Seattle: Is that really all fish you're scenting at the fish market? Perhaps Microsoft planted a few chips in the shrimp? You should check that out.

Los Angeles: The whole town is covered in a brownish scrim. Smog, some say -- I say go after the car manufacturers! That is a public safety issue! The terrorists could be hiding in the troposphere!

Washington, D.C.: Has anyone checked the Capitol cupola recently? Who painted it? Can we go after Sherman-Williams?

Who needs taxes? Hurrah, Mayor Menino, you've pocketed a cool half-million in less than a week for your city. I'm sure it will go to all the right places.

Meanwhile, Peter Berdovsky and Sean Stevens, who were arrested in connection with the panic, are still waiting on a resolution. According to the CNN article linked above:

The attorney general's office also has begun discussions with the attorneys of two men charged in the incident.

Peter Berdovsky, 27, and Sean Stevens, 28, were arrested Wednesday after the panic settled down. Both pleaded not guilty Thursday to placing a hoax device and disorderly conduct.

Coakley said the discussions with the pair's attorneys should result in a "resolution to the criminal charges" against them.

Wonder if they can squeeze out a couple thousand more ... you know, for the city.

--Randee Dawn

Must Explode TV! Part 2

So. Not a box. Or a "package." Or particularly suspicious-looking. This looks like a Lite-Brite project, and it does not look like anything that could be remotely considered bomb-like. Do bombs require C batteries?

But then again, I don't work for the Boston police force.

This is what the "boxes" that all but shut down Boston yesterday, but failed to ignite anything in Seattle, where they were located and simply removed, looked like. According to the Seattle Times:

When news of events in Boston began to be reported Wednesday, he said, the Seattle Police Department called and passed on the information about the locations of other devices.

McSwain and other officers removed three more of the devices from various locations, including an awning at a business, in a mini-mall and in front of another business.

The appearance of the devices indicated they weren't too sinister, with one officer describing them as a battery, a light and a cartoon character making an obscene gesture, McSwain said.

Three devices also were found in Bothell, police reported. Officers acting on information from the Seattle Police Department removed the devices and knew the devices were not a threat.

Seattle police also found several of the devices in the city but declined to reveal their location or how many there were.

Authorities said some of the objects looked like circuit boards or had wires hanging from them.

In other words, they acted sanely. Maybe they have a few younger members on the force, who have actually seen the show.

Still, the real show came this afternoon from the two guys arrested for the Boston incident, Peter Berdovsky and Sean Stevens, who held a press conference to discuss the grave importance of what they've done -- er, rather, retro hairstyles. You can watch the video here.

As noted in an addendum to the article next to the video:

In the clip above, the two gentlemen responsible for the placement of the lightboxes have some fun with the media frenzy, discussing various hairstyles of the 60s and 70s. The press accuses of them of not taking it seriously but, in a sense, they're taking it just as seriously as they ought to.

Emphasis mine.

Exactly.

-- Randee Dawn

Must Explode TV!

Well, it's not a show that's actually on Cartoon Network, but after today it could be. (Yes, we've doctored the picture.)

It is true that cartoons exist in an alternate universe, but the marketing and promotional ideas that promote them are firmly fixed in this reality -- which apparently was forgotten by the folks at Cartoon Network and Turner Broadcasting, and specifically one twentysomething marketer. (Who we suspect, once he's out of jail, will need to find more work.)

It appears that as part of a plan to promote Adult Swim's "Aqua Teen Hunger Force," somewhere between 15-30 boxes were planted around Boston. (The campaign was also targeted at other major cities like Los Angeles, Seattle, New York and Portland.) But stray boxes with wires popping out of them these days seem less like a reason for curiosity and more like a possibility of something going all "24" on us at any moment.

In any case, once someone spotted a box near a major highway (hello? what kind of ad placement is that?) the bomb squad was called out, and they blew it up. Subsequent boxes were found all over the city, causing shutdowns, slowdowns, and a very busy day for the suspicious package crew.

TBS said in a statement, "The 'packages' in question are magnetic lights that pose no danger. We regret that they were mistakenly thought to pose any danger."

According to this report, the packages had been in place for two to three weeks. Weeks? So why has someone only just noticed in Boston?

Tonight an arrest was made of a 27-year old man from the Boston suburb of Arlington, and he's been charged with a felony -- and the Massachusetts attorney general has said he's considering charges against TBS, according to Fox News in New York.

There is the old saying that all publicity is good publicity, but I think we can make an exception in this case. So, note to all marketers: If your publicity campaign ends up calling out the bomb squad, then there's a good chance there really is a bomb there ... in your marketing strategy.

-- Randee Dawn

UPDATE: Gee, whiz, apparently I'm slow. The geniuses at Boing Boing are of course all over this and have targeted not only some very questionable journalistic ethics (the LED in the packages featured a Mooninite with an upraised finger which several media outlets are apparently photoshopping out. Plus, it's already possible to buy the LED Mooninite figure (yes, you'll have to watch the show and tell me just what the importance is on "Aqua Teen Hunger Force") on a T-shirt at  Raplica.com.

And he hasn't been photoshopped. I sense the conversation on this is just getting started.

Rant Of The Day: Cable Programming Gone Stupid

Greetings.

So not only is this a post written while being dubiously medicated by whatever old medicines happened to be lying around the office this afternoon (due to the cold I am apparently catching two weeks after the rest of the office got infected), this is a post in response to the post below. So go read that one first. I'll wait.

Great. So you came back. What Ray's post taught us all is this: We are all now qualified to be on television based on our elementary school thespian skills. Since Jennifer Garner is qualified to discuss tornadoes since she played a tornado probably before she could spell it properly, this means I am now available for any and all discussions on agriculture and leporine matters because I was a carrot -- a singing one, mind you -- in the College Gardens Elementary School production of "Peter Rabbit."

My phone hasn't rung yet.

The idea of "Weather Moments," I think, is what brought my cold on. Actually, now that I think about it, my life right now at this second is a weather moment. Without weather, I would not have this cold. And I'm qualified to be an expert! Folks, a twofer, right here!

Isn't everything really a "Weather Moment?" Is that meant to be the secret genius behind this new show?

My real point is this -- quit it, cable networks, just quit it. Nobody goes to The Weather Channel for actual programming. I know this is a hard realization for those who've recently been hired to develop a slate for TWC (as no doubt it will insist on doing just after getting a mild "hit" and the execs hire a branding crew), but that's not what people go to The Weather Channel for. They might come for some weather porn, and they might vaguely want to know how a city not their own could have the snot knocked out of it by an unexpected Category 900 storm, but basically -- not. Here's why they go to The Weather Channel. I hope you're taking notes.

They go to find out the weather.

And maybe the tides. Maybe the sunset.

That's it. There's a reason Time Warner Cable in New York uses your channel to update viewers when other channels will be offering free programming or going off the air.

Going to The Weather Channel for anything other than the weather is like going to the grocery store to buy your Hi-Def TV. I know you can do that in some of the gigantic big box behemoths that threaten to take over the world, but it's wrong there and it's wrong here.

And for those of you snickering in the corner -- I see you there, VH1 and Court TV -- don't think you're immune. You've both been disappointing in your own ways, since VH1 stuffed itself for a full week with "America's Next Top Model" reruns and Court TV now shows reruns of the one failed "Law & Order" series. You're on the edge, buddies, and don't make me come over there.

As I've said before, we don't need more broadcast networks. As in, broad casting. Narrowcasting works just fine for me. And if you've gone and called yourself after what you're trying to narrowcast -- like, say, the weather -- you're doubly stuck. Leave it alone, and invest in better Doppler equipment.

Do what you do well, cable networks, and quit messing with the program. Or you're going to find your audience gets its weather, and other crucial information, from another source.

The Internet.

--Randee Dawn

(image thanks to the brilliant Toothpaste for Dinner)

YouTube loses its funny

The party's over.

Head on over to YouTube today, and try and click on any number of Comedy Central-related clips -- of which there are hundreds, including "South Park," "The Daily Show" and "The Colbert Report" -- and you will see the message linked above.

Based on blog reports (including one at the revered Boing Boing), YouTube has begun mailing members with cease and desist style notices, citing copyright infringement, and isn't waiting for members to take down the videos themselves; they're just stripping them clean.

This can't come as much of a surprise; once Google made the site a $1.65 billion business, it opened up some deep pockets that make it ripe for litigation. And like a snowball gathering speed, momentum and volume in the past weeks, YouTube is going to be Just Like Everywhere Else now.

What it is, however, is classic big business hubris that will lessen not just public opinion of Comedy Central, but of YouTube. One of the primary reasons YouTube was worth $1.65 billion is that fans knew they could host and view the clips they wanted to see, when they wanted to see them, there. YouTube turned a blind eye to copyright infringement; Comedy Central turned the same blind eye. Both profited and benefited from this "I can't hear you, la la la" mentality -- they earned publicity, goodwill among users (many of whom are likely already viewers or Apple subscribers), and viewers got what they wanted.

And if Comedy Central thinks they're already giving viewers what they want on their own site, they're in for a rude awakening. One blogger has listed the reasons YouTube is superior to Comedy Central's viewer, noting:

You have tiny little videos that can’t be resized. It’s like watching TV from the next room through the keyhole of a closed door.

He's also got a thought or two on the whole CC Web site:

Flashing banner ads? Is that some kind of a Comedy Central joke that’s over my head? There’s this company called Google that showed everybody that annoying your customers isn’t necessary to get them to click on things. Instead, their idea is to give people what they want. You might also want to check out their website for some layout ideas.

So, here we are, copyright flags waved, videos removed, and nobody's happy. YouTube is on its way to being the Friendster of the year. What no one who tries to harness the Internet seems to yet understand is that it expands, contracts and spreads organically. Put a leash on it, and those who made it so popular in the first place run off to another spot that doesn't require such restrictions. As we've reported here recently, there'll no doubt be some kind of pirate site up within hours -- if there isn't already -- which will host not just clips of "The Daily Show" and "The Colbert Report" (we know there are already tons of sites for "South Park" episodes) but whole episodes. For a time, YouTube had that beast under control, and now -- it's over.

YouTube is dead. Long live the next YouTube.

-- Randee Dawn

UPDATE (10/31): A random search for "South Park," "Daily Show" and "Colbert Report" turns up clips still present and accounted for on YouTube -- and playing just fine. Perhaps there's been a little corporate re-thinking here.

Simon Says: They're Dopes For Not Picking Up His Show

There's a fascinating excerpt Sunday from New York Times TV reporter Bill Carter's new book on the network TV wars, "Desperate Networks," that details how ABC, NBC, CBS and UPN all passed on "American Idol" before Fox finally gave the greenlight...and only after Fox chairman Rupert Murdoch's daughter Elisabeth interceded to sing the praises of the show's blockbuster British forerunner "Pop Idol."

Had producer/judge Simon Cowell sold the show to UPN instead of Fox, there might not have been a need for a merger of WB and UPN into The CW this fall. Witness the following, culled from the book, that recalls Cowell's disaster of a pitch meeting at UPN:

Despite the wall he sensed going up at the UPN meeting, Mr. Cowell, never cowed, simply plowed ahead with his pitch. "What this is really about is the American dream," Mr. Cowell told the American executives in his smooth British tones. He laid out the format for the show that he and partner Simon Fuller were calling "Pop Idol" in Britain, describing how exciting this show would surely be. When Mr. Cowell wrapped up his comments, the room went quiet — stone silent.

At the opposite end of the table, a young woman executive, whom Mr. Cowell had identified in his head as the "lippy second-in-command," seemed to be calculating whether or not this truly was the end of the presentation.

"And what exactly do you think we're supposed to be doing for you?" the woman said, dismissively.

"Well, actually, sweetheart," Mr. Cowell replied, applying just a dash of acid, "it's more a question of what I could be doing for you."

Again a terrible silence fell. Then the woman piped up: "Well, we'll get back to you."

Ah, but for a mere ounce of foresight.