Past Deadline

Howard Stern Apparently Longs To Be Howard Stern Again (And Who Can Blame Him?)

Howard Stern is apparently beginning to realize that satellite radio isn't all it's cracked up to be. (It is cracked up, isn't it?) The New York Post has it on the equivalent of good authority that Stern -- big money or no -- is at least seriously entertaining a move that would allow him to be part of the terrestrial radio universe while remaining as a Sirius Satellite Radio personality.

The problem, of course, is that Stern no longer matters since leaving the free radio world behind in January. He's no longer quoted anywhere or part of the pop culture zeitgeist (a word I love to use at every opportunity because it makes me sound smart, kinda). So there may well be a plan afoot to "share" Stern at Sirius and possibly via another free over-the-air syndicated network.

If there's anything that Howard craves more than big bucks, it's the attention that his freewheeling act generates. So when he's virtually ignored as he has been of late with his plummeting profile, Stern is not a happy boy.

We may be a few years away, or perhaps a few decades, from satellite radio mattering enough to keep someone like Stern on the mainstream radar. But the day ain't here yet. Everyone who has it agrees that satellite is a cool thing, but it's far from an indispensible thing. Most people lack the motivation to pay a monthly subscription fee for something they listen to going to work and coming home in the car.

So while Howie has indeed generates increased sales of Sirius Radio units and made huge strides in putting it on the subscription map, his audiences is still a pittance compared to what he was drawing on the no-pay airwaves. So as some like Tabloid Baby have long predicted, Stern will soon be returning to a free radio near you.

The Term 'Much Ado About Nothing' Races to Mind

So CBS Corp. has settled its massive, huge, mucho mas grande el giganto lawsuit against Howard Stern and Sirius Satellite Radio for a measly $2 million or so, which in this world is less even than chump change. Remember how CBS was supposedly incensed at Stern for using the last months of his terrestrial radio days promoting his move to Sirius, as if the guy has ever been about more than plugging his own every move, thought and impulse. And CBS claimed Stern boosted the Sirius stock on their dime while depressing its own radio division prospects.

But you can't exactly say CBS stuck by its guns in settling for $2 mil. and other unspecified bucks. The $2 million will come from Sirius in a payment to CBS Radio "relating to the conveyance of its rights in the recordings of 'The Howard Stern Show'," according to a joint statement strategically filed the Friday before a holiday weekend so as to get buried. And buried, for the most part, it got. The announced money isn't all CBS will be getting. But as the statement noted, "The remaining terms and conditions of the settlement are confidential."

Oh really? It's interesting that CBS would accept such comparatively puny compensatory and punitive damages, which points to how frivilous this suit was in the first place. At the same time, it doesn't say much for Stern that the self-proclaimed "King of All Media" would choose now as the time when he'd shut his yap after having embarked on a loud campaign denouncing CBS/Viacom chief Leslie Moonves as a disingenuous jerk (among other terms). When it comes to money, evidently, even the boisterous Stern can turn uncharacteristically tight-lipped.

That Stern was able to slam Moonves on the CBS air via an appearance on "Late Show With David Letterman" a few months back should have been a tipoff as to the lack of genuine teeth in the suit.

As I suspected at the time the CBS action was filed, this was all about spitting into the wind. No doubt CBS was genuinely upset at the thought that that Stern was able to enrich his Sirius stock options to the tune of more than $200 million while blathering on their air. Yet at the same time, they also had to know that Stern -- beset by a world-class persecution complex in the best of times -- only benefitted from the "Me Against the World!" exposure afforded him by the suit and subsequent media coverage.

The bottom line is that we'll never know the full story here. But more to the point, we should have long ago stopped caring.