Everybody Plays the Fool (Except Mr. T)

Okay, so after a 24-hour hiccup during which the server for this fine blog -- not to name names, but it's called TypePad -- experienced technical difficulties that kept us from posting, we're back. Whatever couldn't be posted on Wednesday will soon be added to the blog, since we promised you, our loyal readers, at least that much. In the meantime, it's already Thursday of Week One of the Television Critics Association Press Tour in Pasadena, and Mr. T is IN THE HOUSE!

Let me just say at the outset that no one handles the TV critics of America better than does this guy. On hand to promote his new TV Land inspirational reality show "I Pity the Fool" (think of it as Dr. Phil-Meets-Tony Robbins-Meets-Dog Chapman) that premieres Oct. 4, it was a new-look T who stood in front of the room. He was wearing a black suit, for one thing, For another, the only thing around his neck was a tie. The 50 pounds of gold chains? Gone, purportedly forever. He decided to put them into storage after visiting the Katrina hurricane victims and realizing it wasn't in the best taste to be flashing so much hardware at people who had lost everything.

It was also a notably less angry Mr. T -- still whipped up into a high energy frenzy on what is apparently natural crack and still preaching about staying in school and staying off drugs and being good to one's mother. The Mohawk still dotted his otherwise shaved scalp. And the rap had the cynical multitudes eating from the palm of his oversized hand.

The questions came at him in waves: "Mr. T, I've followed your career fairly closely. When did you become a self-help guru?"; "Mr. T, why do you pity the fool?"; "Mr. T, what happened to the gold chains?"; "Mr. T, why isn't there a Mrs. T?".

Without missing a beat, the onetime "A-Team" star took over the room like the secular preacher he is.

"I pity the fool because he doesn't know no better."

"I put the gold chains away because I saw all of these celebrities going to New Orleans and doing photo ops. It was disgusting. Those people didn't have nothin'. So the gold is in my heart now."

"There's no Mrs. T because I could never find a woman who cooks like my mother. The problem is once she learns to cook like your mother, she looks like your mother!"

He also finally told us what the "T" in Mr. T stands for. It's "Tender" if you're a woman or child, "Tough" if you're a dude. It also stands for a lot of things that don't begin with "T" because, as it happens, the lead consonant now means less than the message, which is: do good, do right by people, don't screw up, don't be a jerk, make your mommy proud. That's why he turned down doing "The Surreal Life." Yes, sometimes, the guys who are the least educated turn out to be the smartest.