O.J. Simpson Tells All! (This Headline Recycled From 1996)
The press release screams "After 12 Years, O.J. Simpson Finally Takes the Stand!" And your first thought is naturally something along the lines of, "Oh yes, I am just so very certain that O.J. Simpson is going to confess all for the first time on some dweeby Internet streamcast called Market News First (which from the sound of its name might be better suited to cover the Dow Jones or this week's sale at Ralph's)."
It's supposed to be happening today at 3 p.m. PT -- live -- and if you are so inspired you can find it right here. If you miss it live, it'll be there in both taped interview and podcast replay form probably until the end of time or the Internet itself, whichever comes first.
O.J. will be talking to a reporter named Kate Delaney, with the first 30 minutes reportedly dedicated to "scripted questions" and the remaining time to actual genuine authentic real honest-to-God questions from the (alleged) audience -- i.e., off-the-cuff queries that Simpson can address with his very own special scripted evasions/fairy tales.
Why on earth would this man agree to go on the Internet without anything to sell (including his long-stated innocence, whose veracity has long-since been dismissed)? Evidently, when you're O.J., the only thing worse than being a vilified murderer is being ignored altogether. This puts him back in everyone's despised thoughts, however briefly. One other guess: he's trying to capitalize on the popularity of "The Simpsons Movie," hoping somebody will think he's somehow involved. But clearly, if the guy's chatting up some little-known online service based in Dallas, the legit mainstream media will no longer even humor him with token coverage or this interview would be with the New York Times, or the Wall Street Journal, or AP. He's been marginalized into an obscure region of cyberspace. Which is at least a start.
Hopefully, by 2009, Simpson will have been reduced to trolling for attention via impromptu streetcorner meeting, followed in 2012 by barking into one of two tin cans attached to a string, followed in 2017 by standing in front of his bathroom mirror conducting Q&A's with his reflection delusion-style and armed with a Mr. Microphone -- followed in 2025 by coverage of his golf outings accompanied by twentysomething bimbettes, exclusively on TMZ.com.
















